On small moments at Gala Fairydean Rovers FC that gave him confidence to come out.
Neil Hastings, who’s now the assistant at Livingston in the Championship. Well, hopefully get promoted. What an inspirational guy, yeah? Very old-school Edinburgh guy, looking at him he looks so stereotypically Scottish. Like he’s balding, ginger, teeth all over the place, scars all over his face, looks like the hardest man ever. But what an incredible human being, and a real leader. And I’ll never forget that, when I was playing with Gala [Gala Fairydean Rovers] at the time, he was the manager, just before he was going to Livingston. And he used to say– we went on a good winning run, which was quite rare for Gala to be fair, but we– under him we were actually really good. And for whatever reason– this was the time I was kind of close to coming out and being a bit more comfortable with my sexuality. And he used to say, “right boys, don’t care what you’re doing, go home with your girlfriends, go home with your boyfriends, go home, relax”. Used to get a lot of sniggers. And he kept saying it. And from that, that prompted our captain at the time, Gareth Rodger, to be like, “boys, I’ve just been to a wedding, my cousin’s gay, like, see if anybody’s gay in this dressing room, don’t know why yous are laughing, it’s not an issue”. Pure off-the-cuff comment, this is while he’s getting changed, I think he’s going in the shower or something. So it wasn’t like a pure dressing down or that. And I’m sitting there like, in the closet obviously, like, what the– I’m not going to swear, but I remember the feeling and it was just so, wow, what are the chances? How has this just happened to me? Like that is amazing. And then I go to my first Pride event in Benidorm, and aye, Bob’s your uncle, Betty’s your auntie. [Laughs] So aye, incredible, aye
On internalised homophobia, stereotypes and hypermasculinity in men’s football.
I’ve had loads of boys reach out to me in my team, asking me about advice on working out, in between training. Advice, what do they eat? Blah-blah-blah-blah. Like, extra things they can do and stuff. Which again makes, honestly it fills me with so much joy that you know, again, I can give back and stuff. But there’s also a wee thing biting away that I always need to try and push down, like, oh, they’re going to turn on you eventually, or they’re not going to–. And then it sometimes morphs into, like, me being like, internalised homophobia again, just like, how the f– how can you be gay Zander? And then back round in a circle, and then you’re just like checking yourself again, like look Zander, you can be gay and you are who you are, we don’t fit stereotypes, I get it, there will be plenty of other players out there. And that’s something you constantly– it disnae go away. Obviously what I’m saying is some environments like I’m in the now, I’m having that thought again where I’m kind of struggling with my own sexuality. Just like– but I think that’s, speaking to other people, having people to chat to about that, that’s normal. Like you can have that, like again, no-one gives a [unintelligible] about growing up, I came out at 29 so I’m still trying to navigate that world. And it’s okay. And that’s like anyone, it is okay to have that. But go and voice it, go and speak to people, especially people in your community that are pals. Because they can really, really help you. Especially when you’re in a hyper-masculine environment like football.
On playing for an LGBTIQ+ grassroots team, how the environment is different from other clubs, and the importance of these spaces.
Going to the training session, that was at a period that obviously I retired, and for the past couple of years I wasn’t even really enjoying football, to be honest. Fell out of love with it, absolutely. And it was just nice, you know, to go there, and it’s a proper safe space that you can actually just have pure banter, that people 100% get you. I’m not saying the boys don’t get you, normal dressing rooms, but it is a wee bit different. It is definitely a wee bit different. And you probably put on another face, I would say sometimes, in the– in some football teams. You need to, you cannae be your true self, and what I liked with Saltire Thistle was there was just no holds barred with the banter. And I’ll give you an example. So I played in [laughs] I played, just playing a match, just training, and one of the boys, instead of shouting the boy’s name, I think the boy’s name was Danny, he shouted ‘daddy!’ [laughs]. And that could have been, you know, if I shouted that in a football team, like, when I was playing pro, semi-pro, that could have been quite awkward. But there it was the funniest thing ever. And the boy took it so well, like, it was amazing and funny, and I just thought, bloody hell.
So I just started to get in the groove again and just started to really enjoy my football. And then obviously from that I’ve been roped into playing semi-pro again. Which again is great, there’s a family connection to this club as well, which is always nice. I always feel a bit safer space when I kind of know boys, or I know coaching staff. I always feel it’s a better space for me. And yeah, the legs aren’t as fast as they used to be, but I’m enjoying a game, and it came from going to Saltire Thistle. And it’s always nice to just have that space there. And you know, I have no doubt these types of clubs save lives. Point blank. I’ve had conversations with Saltire Thistle, I’ve no doubt it’s reminiscent to all grassroots, LGBT+, a safe space where they can just go and play and support the sport that they love. It 100% saves lives.